go where you will grow

In the past few weeks, I have been praying about a pretty big decision: what church I should attend now that school is over. I’m torn right now between church at home (where I grew up, and where I have dear, dear friends) and the church I’ve been attending for the last few years at school.

The problem is, both churches have very different ministries that both draw my heart and that I feel tugged to. On one hand, at home, there is a ministry that focuses primarily on reaching out to men who are in prison, recovering from drug and alcohol addiction, who have no home. This ministry has previously grounded me, put things in perspective for me, and reminded me to 1) be consistently thankful to God for blessing me the way He has and 2) remember Jesus’s command to love the “least of these.” There is so much room for me to serve others and to be like Jesus.

On the other hand, in the city (where I went to school), the ministry is catered to the independent; the questioning; the searching. The church is trying to create a space in New York for people to ask questions and to reach out to the city youth (college-aged students and younger). I feel like God spent the last four years teaching me how to be separate and leading me towards reaching New Yorkers: a group of people so fiercely independent and unique, yet a city and people so, so in need of God’s love. At this particular church, God can use me to make change and impact the ministry. 

In the end – my goals are to follow God’s will and to be in a church in which I can grow and serve – I’m pretty sure these aren’t mutually exclusive. The question is: which church is it? I want to be challenged, I want to serve others, I want to be held accountable for my actions. I also don’t want to be boxed in by what I grew up with if God calls me to move.

One thing I’ve realized in the last few years is: God’s will is never flawed. There have been so many times I’ve questioned His plan, but if I just trust and follow Him, I always realize at some point He was right all along. So please pray for me to 1) figure out God’s will for where I should be and 2) have the strength to follow this will, even if I may not understand it at the time.

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